Mum's birthday !

Hi blog,

it was mum's birthday yesterday.

I felt sad and I thought about her.It was such a horrible time for her in the last years, for all of us, but mainly mum and dad.

I have been feeling a little unstrung lately. I feel that I have too much to do.

I am running hard to stay in the one place.

I feel like getting on a plane and going somewhere. 

I feel scared that I might not have a normal life again. I will have to stay in every night.

We have lost the spontaneity in our lives, can't just decide to go to Fact, go out for a drink , go on the ferry.Whatever! everything is planned around how much energy John has.

And I am totally fine with that and understand,but it does affect me too all this change.

Will I ever just go off to Glasgow for a weekend  without making sure there is someone to care for John.

I keep running out of things, because John kept an eye on milk  and things like that,and went out for them, usually while I was counselling,now I have to notice there is something running low and go and get it.

All small things, but it is hard to keep my pecker up, do all my own things, take care of John, go to doctor and hospital appointments with him see clients and plan courses for the autumn,and all the family things too.

I have lost the  some jewellery and my railcard, I hope it turns up. I cannot understand what is going on.

I am managing to work ok. In fact it is the one time I am totally focused on something else and happily I can still do that. I notice that when I finish. am much more tired.

I have told Anita and Liz now,it is hard telling people about John as I am taking care of the people I am telling as they love him too. Liz was so upset,Anita so angry.  I must tell Sandra, yet when I tell her I have to tell Jackie Matthew Gary.

And four calls in one day is too much.

I really want to tell Sandra. As Johnny says if you don't tell people how can they help you? Yet I like the normality of Sandra calls and contacts.


Oh pa last year at this time we were with you for that glorious month of August in Kintillo.

Little did we really know what was about to unfold. I was prepared and not prepared.

Now I do not know what to expect,what the future holds what to plan for.

Just try to take a  day at a time, and during all this John is so good so kind so accepting of "what is"



All shall be well ,
and all shall be well ,
and all manner of things shall be well.

and so it is.