Up , mostly!

The weather in Glasgow has been wild and wet.
I have been in a calm space since New Year's eve.We had drinks with dad's neighbours and that was good with lots of talk of dad,and more of getting to know them. Sandra and I went Mum's grave and sprinkled a few of dad's ashes there. We hope they don't mind but we feel we can visit them both at the same time.We then had coffee with Jackie and she told us more of her wedding plans which was good fun
John and I had a day in Glasgow and we visited the The Gallery on Modern Art on Queen Steet.We had a great few hours there.We wandered round Glasgow enjoying the Christmas lights and we visited The Glasgow concert hall and got a programme.They have a wonderful Celtic Connections season coming up ,sadly ,just after we leave.I bought wool in John Lewis and we had tea.

We enjoyed a 12th night family party here at Kintillo Drive, I cooked and baked,we had fairy lights,flowers, and music.The atmosphere was warm and welcoming and everyone commented on it and appreciated it.It was like old times ,lots of us squeesed into this small space enjoying each others company.
Gary brought Orlando and Jackie brought Mac.They were a handful but it was manageable.Puppies will be puppies.They are both delightful dogs.
Everyone left about 11.30 and by midnight we had everything done and Christmas decorations down. I have kept the lights in glasses and bowels I think they cheer up the winter nights.
The following day we had a Lightbody Clan gathering at Ashton Lane in John's grandfather's old coach house.Now a cafe. We met Desi ,David's fiancee,she is a delight, an American /Bulgarian woman ,and a lawyer.Very interesting history.she reminds me of Lara.It was good to be with Gwynneth and see her surrounded by all the children and grand children. Dave would have loved that day.he has missed so much.John seesm to help bridge the gap for Dave's family.

John and i came home on the 66 bus ,we settled in for the night watched It's C,omplicated which we enjoyed.A very happy few days.

When I was locking up the house I was out in the close and suddenly I was hit ,like being hit by a bus,by an acute sense of loss.I actually could not move with the pain of it.Thankfully John was there.I had a good long cry which made me feel much better.
A few of my family have had a sense of dad's presense or dreampt about him, but i have not.
It's" a sair fecht"
I get comfort sitting in dad's chair,being in Kintillo. I wonder how I will be when I have to leave this house ,home of 45 years.I think it may well act as a anesthetic for me.Still have two weeks :-)
Happy 48th birthday Jackie. I got her a lovely heart brooch ,from Livamode in Liverpool. Olivia made it just for Jackie so it is unique.
I have a sense of adventure about the next stage of my life. 63 years of love and passion have gone into my relationship with my parents.As well as a lot of time and energy keeping in touch especially over the last few years.
At some point when the house is gone and I am further on in my grief,and ; may have a bit of money from dad.what will I do with the passion energy and time I have poured on to them?
Some woman of my age have grand children to pour their time and energy into. I don't ,and although I am a yaya to my step children's children,that is not the same.It is a blessing and a priveledge,yet not the same.
So what am I going to do now? only tome will tell!