Back for a week or so in Spain. We had beautiful weather for December ,even for Castalla! Frank was working away on the balcony and terrace while we were there,it was good to have it done but not so relaxing to have him coming in every morning.The work is beautiful though.
One day ,Matthew's birthday in fact I had a day of grief for mum and dad. All the memories of his birth and the joy in Bank Street flooded back, It was quite painful. I felf physical pain and nauseous. I am glad I understand the grieving process or I would be quite worried about myself.
It was interesting that on the last night of the Artist's Way I felf very upset. I came back from Dad's funeral and knew I had to get my head down and get this six week course as well as the three Saturday workshops done.When I came to the end of the work ,the pain came back in force.
Same with last day in Castlenel.Coming back to real life with no dad.Sore.
I still have the urge to contact him every day.Today I was listening to D.I.Discs.
Puccini's "Oh My beloved Father" came on and I was totally unprepared for the flood of tears heartache.
Christmas and New year will be tough but it has to be gone through ,and with luck and the blessings of the gods,I may have some joy too.
I have decided to pay for the velux window in the Jardin and it will be dedicated to Dad.The Matt Collins Window.Dad would like this I am sure.
Went to the Swedish Lucia at the Liverpool Cathedral last night ,I always feel close to dad there,a place I can just sit and be with myself and my thoughts of him.
It was a beautiful experience to be part of an old rural tradition of Sweden. A beautiful young girl from the Nordic Gustaf Adolf Church in Liverpool was picked to represent Lucia, she wore long white robe with a red silk belt,and a crown of real lit candles and about twenty other girls were her maidens ,wearing the same costume but they carried their candles.They all sang Santa Lucia at the beginning and the end of the service.They sang about ten short swedish verses during the service too.
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