A journey.

On Wednesday October 5th 2011 ,my dearly beloved dad died.

I am in the very early stage of grief. Sometimes I feel ok,or at least numb.

Other times I feel desolate ,lost and cannot take in the fact that i will never ever see ,touch or hug my dad again.It is just to big too much to take in.

I no longer fear the phone ringing.I no longer have constant feelings of anxiety.

I am left with a very deep sorrow.

I am wondering if keeping a blog of my journey through grief will be theraputic.

I feel very tired much of the time,yet not sleeping very well.
I feel for my siblings,Sandra ,Matthew, Jackie and Gary,and my sons Andrew and Philip.
I feel for all the people who loved my dad and are grieving for him and missing his cheery grin his zest for life and his uniqueness.

What I want to do is be in Glasgow and be close to my Glasgow family.I find it comforting to be with them. They just know what I feel and I just know what they are feeling.Or at least this is what I believe so I still gain comfort from it.

I feel sad that our family home for over four decades,since Burn's night 1967 ,is to be sold and dad's caravan in Argyle, he had that for almost as long as we had, 36 Kintillo Drive.

And with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since and lost awhile.
~John Henry Newman

I would like to believe that dad is with angels,or with mum ,his mum and dad,his friends and family that he has grieved for.

But I don't!

yet what do I know? who really knows? once you lose a dearly beloved loved one you start to consider this question. Or I am.