to-day is a good day.

Hi Pa,

I bought a little hanging that says" today is a good day" it is to give me encouragement ,to help me remember that even in the worst of time, there are good moments.

I talked to you at "the five trees" the other day.

John is very ill, cancer in his bones as well as prostate, but the doctor says it is not "end of life" he can have pain relief and be home ,in time.

I felt so happy this morning when I heard, I really want John to come home for some time.

But other people seem very sad with the news, so maybe I am in denial, or they are fearful of what this means.

Anyway it is how it is, I think if I can have John home here for a while, some time with him pain free in our own home, it will help us both come to terms with whatever is to come.

Death ,in time.

I am sad,I feel I have had too much illness and death in my life this last few years, in fact since both grans died and grandpa. I am not the same since you all left me, and god knows how I will cope without John, It is unimaginable although I try to imagine it, at times.

John is the love of my life, he is my sunshine. We have been so happy together, been through thick and thin. Marriage , bringing five children up, and together ,over the years. Lost our home, worked for £800 per day and £3 an hour.
Through illness, starting fresh a few times, Ireland ,Spain and back in Liverpool.

Dad I heard someone say on the radio that once the worst has happened to you, you no longer live in fear, but not true, the worst has happened to me,losing you, especially ,but all the others, mum grandparents, aunts uncles cousins. I still live in fear of losing John and all the others I love.

Although I admit, once you have been through it, you do believe that you can live through it again, maybe that is hopeful. I still do not want to go through all that pain again, but it is the price we pay for love. I must look up the prophet on love. I seem to remember it talks about the pain.

Just found it, it is heartbreakingly true.

Kahlil Gibran on Love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.