Wintery March.

I have been busy since I came back from Glasgow with work, and family and friends,all good; but I have been feeling so tired pa.
Funnily enough around Mother's day I felt  your loss, strange yours and  not mum's ,although I did of course think of her, and I almost always wear her ring and watch.
Mum and I had a strange relationship, I occasionally miss her, especially the younger mum of my very young childhood, she was happier more natural to me at least, that is my impression.
Dad I will be 65 this year, can you believe it? I remember your 65th birthday and mum's too. Now it is me.

I was a bit worried about this tiredness that has plagued me for months now.I told the doctor and she sent me for a whole battery of blood tests. I usually had blood tests twice a year, and the deal is if I hear nothing, just continue with my meds as usual.This time I got a letter saying I should visit the practise nurse. Worried me a bit.My digestion has not been good and the tiredness too.
The great news is the nurse, said all my numbers were perfect, including my blood pressure which she took while I was there. She actually said my results were as good as a 21 year old. I said " you have made my day" she said" you have made mine" I remember that your oncologist always said that you made his day, your were recovering well and thriving, which I guess many of his patients were not.

I left Jane ( nurse) feeling very happy and upbeat, still wondering what the cause of tiredness was all about. Jane said to look at what has been going on over the last few years. I guess mum's illness and death, your illness and death, John's diagnosis, saying goodbye to life in Glasgow as we know it has taken it's toll on me.
We had someone looking at the caravan last week, Sandra and Julie were up there, on Mother's day actually. They both felt very sad and at the same time awed with the great beauty around them.

Julie is finding it hard to let the van go,as is Rebekka.I would keep it on in a heartbeat if I lived in Glasgow OR if we did not have Castlenel.

Sandra and I were both very tearful pa, we feel the van is a last link to you mum, and our young life,but especially you.

I wonder if it will sell soon, of if the family will have another summer out of it,John and I might go if it is still there in July when we come home from Castalla.

We are having things done in the flat while we are in Castalla . new work surface in the kitchen new sink unit which arrived to-day and a new cooker hob which arrives tomorrow.

Castlenel is having the outside done up in stone which I am very happy about.

You would love all this pa, right up your street.

17 months since you left us pa, still miss you ,love you, want to give you a hug, I sometimes hug the tree in Sefton Park that your ashes are under-:-) only if no one is looking .

We are having very cold weather , you would be sending texts telling me about snow flurries in Kintillo,I miss your texts.it is March but it feel like we are going into winter instead of going into spring, although there are snowdrops ,crocuses and daffodils coming up to give us hope.


Let there be peace on earth and let it beging with me!