Jamie's with "the girls" in Glasgow.

Hi pa,

I have not talked to you for a while on the blog, but I have in my head.
I was at the five trees last week before I went to Glasgow. The sky was bright blue some crocus were coming up and the daffodils were almost out.All the new life around me made me acutely aware of my loss of you.I felt very upset, it just comes out of the blue.I am ok ,just miss you still.

I went to Glasgow on Friday and when I got to Lime Street I felt the tears coming. I felt sad I was not coming to Kintillo to see you to stay with you to hug you to hear your voice.

Jackie met me at the station and it was good we went for coffee and a catch up and she said that she still feels your loss too.Of course she does, we all do.We just don't talk about our feelings so much now and people don't ask either. I guess their lives move on and they assume that ours have moved on faster than it actually has.

On Satuday Sandra Jacke Marie Wendy and I all me at Jamies in George Square for lunch.

We had a great time ,very special and of course we talked a lot about you and mum and it was so good to be in a place with folk who want to talk and share memories of you guys..

I remember that you loved to talk about " the old man" as you called him.Grand-da to me.

All the Collins woman got on so well, quite obviously loved being together ,so much so ,that we all talked about some time in the future  we all travel to New York and have a holiday together. It does not need to happen, what is wonderful is that we all shared the dream of doing it.

I had a lovely meal out in Simonton with Jackie and Geoff, in a lovely country pub.It was great to hear their dreams for the future.

I felt this weekend gave me back Glasgow, happy times happy memories for the future.


I will always miss you, think of you and love you dad. I wish you could see us all enjoying each other,it is not so sore ,at least most of the times it is not.

People talk of letting go, I don't get letting go,letting go of what? you? my memories?my thoughts? you will always be in my heart, you and mum 63 years of memories of sharing our lives.

I want to hold on. I believe that is healthy ,I am not maudlin,not a Queen Victoria.

I love my family of origin, as imperfect as it may have been,as I get older, I can see none of us are perfect ,no one is ,there is no perfect mum,dad, childhood, life.

There is the life I have lived and I am grateful I was born into The Collins's and had the childhood and indeed the later life I shared with you.

I am one of the lucky ones I am well aware of that pa.

Blessings on your heart.

Sandra and I are very close again dad, it is marvellous. I found a song recently "two little sisters" make me feel so emotional,she is the one who shared my childhood,that is very very special and important.

All shall be well,
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well. AMEN!