Part 4 John's 80th.

Been very busy with work this week.It has been good to have a focus. The weather has been just beautiful and John and I have been out in the park having toasties and we went to see The Help at Fact. I loved it ,especially as it was the last book dad suggested I read. I am using morning pages to write to dad when I feel I want to tell him something.I can't stop telling him about my life and what the family are all up to so suddenly.It will take time. I spoke to a woman who's father died years ago and she said she still has conversations whith him. I am glad ,it is not madness it is a way of comforting yourself.All kinds of things take me to my sense of loss:music ,even music that is not connected to dad in any way,nature,a passing converstaion,almost anything is dangerous,can start me off. Other days I am going around feeling in charge in control on top of this.I feel for Sandra and Matthew they have all the legal stuff to do. Dad's roof has a tiny leak and a roofer has to be got,just more things to see to when you don't have the energy to cope with it.
Looks like we have a day set to scatter dad's ashes. November 19th.That will be a long day and may be harrowing for all five of us.Dad has requested that his ashes be scatter on both his grandmother's graves and in Loch Fyne at Inveraray.We will do exactly as he wished.The house will go next maybe in weeks or maybe in months but it will go. I see in my mind's eys cutains closing slowly ,like the curtains in a theater ,and one day they will be completely closed and I will not be able to get behind them to see that life in Kintillo Drive ever again!
Tonight the Artist;s Way group that John was part of as a student, are coming to celebrate John's 80 with him. Poems readings ,food wine ,tea cakes. Will be good I am sure.