Castlenel 25/4/13

We have been in Castlenel for 10 days today, and this is the first day I have been up and dressed and we have been out for a coffee .

Taken a long time to get over the virus we have both had for a few weeks now.

The weather is not great, in fact very cold grey and raining today. I don't mind today because I feel so much better.

On the balcony you can sit or stand under the shelter on the roof, and if a cloud parts the sun feels warm on your face, at the same time you can put your hand out and feel the rain, you cannot see the mountains today
in Inveraray we said if you can't see the mountains it is raining, and if you can  see the mountains it is going to rain.

28th

Weather still awful, I dare not post or tweet about it in case any potential renter sees it.

The house is so difficult to keep warm, and feeling ill means we are both colder than normal.Today I broke out and put on the heaters in most of the rooms we use and the units too. The bathroom is freezing.So no baths in my favourite bathroom of a while, I had two but felt worse after as it was so cold.

I think we need to focus on heating for castlenel, and increase our heating budget, I have no idea how Phil manages in winter.

We should be able to wander around in comfort all over the house, other wise why have  a large house, why not a small apartment.

I have made a good contribution to castlenel/la comparsa, with dad's window, John's room , and the stained glass.If I had more money I would get the bathroom done beautifully with lots of glass bricks, stained glass, and raised floor area too. AND heating.

I disagree with Phil, why wait till all the windows are done, if that was the case I would never heat Ullet Road, many old houses we lose heat, but that is life.

Dad what would you do? you lived in a sensible house ,all double glazed and centrally heated.

Yet you admired us for taking risks and going for Hope Street, Castlenel, The Booley House, Spancilhill you tended to play safe, but you liked to see us taking risks!

Maybe next year we will come May June July, or even July August September, we need warmth nowadays,
John will soon be 82 pa he needs warmth as he cannot move around so much or fast nowadays.Grief pa when you were 82 you had stopped travelling ,very far, and stayed close to familiar spaces and family and neighbours.

John loves his new room and I love it too and my window seat, and the outside, but it needs finished off.

The weather has been too bad for the painting.hope it is done before M&M come on the may weekend, next weekend in fact.
I think the galleria needs the blind, it is too close to the street, you cannot open the curtains if you are in the room without feeling exposed,, it was lovely when the outside blind was there,I would open up the curtains and the door for a little while each morning and no one could see in or that the door was opened. Now the light is harsh. If we rent this year I cannot see anyone feeling comfortable in there.

Maybe when the inside blind is chosen and up it will help, but I am not convinced, ,the outside will be ok, but not from the inside! The outside blind, kept it cooler in summer and warmer in winter, there is a reason folk have them round here.

Even so it is a beautiful house Una Casa Grande .

The neighbours told me yesterday ( they were worried they had not seen me ) I said Muy Mal, they all said, ah tiempo!
But apparently from Martes, the weather will be beautiful. Inshalla!

Oh pa, four years next month since Gavin died, three years in July since ma died, and two years in October since you died, what a bloody awful four years. Now ,I worry about John. This time of life you need courage to deal with "what is"

I used to listen outside your door to hear if you were breathing in the mornings, and felt such relief when I heard movement, then rushing away so you would not know I was worried ( of course you knew I was worried) now I do the same here with John. We are a bit isolated here I guess,  whit a caery oan pa.

I am OK  really just blethering to you about my worries, which are not constant, but they are around now, since John's diagnosis. Although I have no real reason to be more worried, except John is soon to be 82, not been well since he left London ,apart for that, like is a walk in the park, :-)

You have to laugh Pa.

I am reading A year of Magical Thinking again! and doing a course while I am here "Vein of Gold" a follow on from Artist's Way. Good and goes very deep, again courage is needed to embark on this pilgrimage.

All shall be well,
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well.

Everything that is happening is happening for my highest good.

I am safe ,all is well, only good will come of this.

and so it is!

Sickness and health, death and Sir Walter Scott!

Hi pa

I have not been very well the last couple of days, bad cold and sore throat, not sleeping well due to feeling very hot and sweaty.

 "Horses sweat. men perspire, woman , glow " who said that, we grew up thinking this stuff.

I was decidedly sweating

When I feel unwell and vulnerable I miss you more.

 James Naughty presented a lovely programme on Sir Walter Scott the other morning, and there are a few afternoon plays on Radio 4 of his this week. I remember reading his books and poetry at school.
I might download some onto my kindle ,might enjoy them more now I am older.

We are heading to Castlenel on Monday. I am really looking forward to the house and the sunshine and the market, everything really.

I am going to revisit the Murray books when I am there, and concentrate on more writing. 

Also hope to do some mosaic and another rug.

Mostly I like the idea of days with nothing in the diary, what bliss, as I get older I find "things in the diary,and plans even good plans" feel like a pressure. prehaps it is just tiredness and not age, we will see when I come home from Spain.
My first week home is busy with supervision clients.and we have a Living Social deal, promoting 10 Artist's Way Workshops in August..They will be launched in June sometime, we will hear more from Living Social in late May.
We will be in Castlenel on Gavin's 4th anniversary.Hard to believe he has been gone for four years, mum almost three years , dad almost two years.

I wonder if I will ever stop thinking about those dates!

Looking forward to vibrant health over the summer,some down time is what we need and some sunshine.

I feel grateful that we have Castlenel to go to.

All is well,

I am safe,

everything that is happening is happening for my highest good.

and so it is!