Hi blog,
went to the hospital today to help in some research for future Glaucoma patients.
it went well, lovely young woman administering the tests.
Missing dad this last few days, it was mum's 2nd anniversary on July 27th and I did think of her and remember her. Missing dad is much sadder much more painful at times.
Mostly I feel I am moving on,it is getting easier.
Philip sounds very happy, sounds like he might visit Naples when Carmela is there.Sounds like fun.
Andrew has just had his 42nd birthday, first birthday without his papa.
We are having a family meal on Saturday night, looking forward to seeing all the young folk here.
Hope we get some nice weather.Johnny finishes his play at the weekend, that went quick.
Feeling a bit aimless,a few worries on my mind,maybe nothing,maybe something.
All shall be well ,
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well.
I am safe.
all is well,
only good will come of this,
everthing that is happening is happening for my highest good.
What ever happens---I can handle it.
Monday, 30 July 2012
Thursday, 26 July 2012
Happy birthday Andrew...unsettling feelings. new things.
Hi blog,
we have just bought from John Lewis two beautiful new beds,two mattresses,and two very expensive pillows.
We also bought some cool new clothes for John.
The beds will be delivered in about 6 weeks, so we have to possess our souls and patience till then.
I feel uneasy, some things going on that I can't tell you about just yet.
On the bright side I have been a mum for 42 years, today at 2.15 PM.
Imagine me with a 42 year old son ,how time flies.
I was so young just 21, and my dad was Andrew's age, 42, when he became a grand-dad.Mum was just about to be 44.
All wanes :-)
Have a wonderful year my child XXX
we have just bought from John Lewis two beautiful new beds,two mattresses,and two very expensive pillows.
We also bought some cool new clothes for John.
The beds will be delivered in about 6 weeks, so we have to possess our souls and patience till then.
I feel uneasy, some things going on that I can't tell you about just yet.
On the bright side I have been a mum for 42 years, today at 2.15 PM.
Imagine me with a 42 year old son ,how time flies.
I was so young just 21, and my dad was Andrew's age, 42, when he became a grand-dad.Mum was just about to be 44.
All wanes :-)
Have a wonderful year my child XXX
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
Tea with Anita- proud of dad.Glasgow
Hi blog,
Anita's dear friend and sister-in -law died very suddenly last week.
I had tea with Anita in Lark Lane today. The whole family are so shocked and sad.
I seem to be hearing of more people around my age who are seriously ill or have died or are dying.
I suppose it is the age I have reached.
Anita asked when we would have out inheritance, I said we had it,she asked how much ,and when I told her how much we all got.
She was so amazed and kept saying well done your dad!
I felt very proud of him. Well done indeed Pa X
Anita told said" don't splash it around" and she is right. This is a great opportunity to have financial serenity ,till the end.
We are so used to managing on such a small amount of money that it is unlikely that we will do anything silly with it.
A few things to make Ullet Road more comfortable and a few things in Castlenel.
Apart for that, enjoy life , because we just don't know when the end will come.
Our tastes are quite simple nowadays.
I remember reading about Alex Haley ( is that the name of the guy who wrote Roots?)
He became a millionaire almost overnight, at quite a late age, he said he was old enough for it not to go to his head or change his lifestyle too much. I liked that, he was a generous man but a contented man before he had the money.
I would like to visit Prague,and maybe John and I will go for our silver wedding.
I think we have had enough parties for a while.
I like going out with my boys and Lucy for a meal, just simple pleasures.
And with my friends too, but not all at the same time.
Might have a party for my 70th,if I live that long. then I will hang up my Tiara
Would like to spend more time in Castlenel , maybe concentrating on my writing, and being creative, rugs, mosaics. Still no focus since dad's death.Day'll come hen ,as my dear grandpa used to say.
Had a wonderful and emotional time in Glasgow Inveraray with Sandra, mostly.
Went to Inveraray on a stunningly beautiful day, the van looks fabulous, the loch look stunning too and the mountain.What a beautiful country we all hail from.
We took a dozen roses to mum's grave ( where her ashes are) and we visited Dalnotter to see Ma and PA's names in the book of remembrance
It was good to do it with Sandra ,we were able to support each other ,cry and laugh together,and we both feel we won't do anymore of that for a good while.
Dad is still tangible in Glasgow and Inveraray. It just open me up and I feel the loss so powerfully there.
Yet he was ready to go,he had had enough, he came home to Kintillo to die, we feel sure of that now. I think at an unconscious level people often make that choice,to leave,it is their time, they have made a peace with their death.
I feel I am gradually coming to terms with that fact of my own death. It is easier sometimes to think of my own passing than the passing of people I love.
Grief is making me philosophical ! Sandra too I notice.
All shall be well,
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.
Anita's dear friend and sister-in -law died very suddenly last week.
I had tea with Anita in Lark Lane today. The whole family are so shocked and sad.
I seem to be hearing of more people around my age who are seriously ill or have died or are dying.
I suppose it is the age I have reached.
Anita asked when we would have out inheritance, I said we had it,she asked how much ,and when I told her how much we all got.
She was so amazed and kept saying well done your dad!
I felt very proud of him. Well done indeed Pa X
Anita told said" don't splash it around" and she is right. This is a great opportunity to have financial serenity ,till the end.
We are so used to managing on such a small amount of money that it is unlikely that we will do anything silly with it.
A few things to make Ullet Road more comfortable and a few things in Castlenel.
Apart for that, enjoy life , because we just don't know when the end will come.
Our tastes are quite simple nowadays.
I remember reading about Alex Haley ( is that the name of the guy who wrote Roots?)
He became a millionaire almost overnight, at quite a late age, he said he was old enough for it not to go to his head or change his lifestyle too much. I liked that, he was a generous man but a contented man before he had the money.
I would like to visit Prague,and maybe John and I will go for our silver wedding.
I think we have had enough parties for a while.
I like going out with my boys and Lucy for a meal, just simple pleasures.
And with my friends too, but not all at the same time.
Might have a party for my 70th,if I live that long. then I will hang up my Tiara
Would like to spend more time in Castlenel , maybe concentrating on my writing, and being creative, rugs, mosaics. Still no focus since dad's death.Day'll come hen ,as my dear grandpa used to say.
Had a wonderful and emotional time in Glasgow Inveraray with Sandra, mostly.
Went to Inveraray on a stunningly beautiful day, the van looks fabulous, the loch look stunning too and the mountain.What a beautiful country we all hail from.
We took a dozen roses to mum's grave ( where her ashes are) and we visited Dalnotter to see Ma and PA's names in the book of remembrance
It was good to do it with Sandra ,we were able to support each other ,cry and laugh together,and we both feel we won't do anymore of that for a good while.
Dad is still tangible in Glasgow and Inveraray. It just open me up and I feel the loss so powerfully there.
Yet he was ready to go,he had had enough, he came home to Kintillo to die, we feel sure of that now. I think at an unconscious level people often make that choice,to leave,it is their time, they have made a peace with their death.
I feel I am gradually coming to terms with that fact of my own death. It is easier sometimes to think of my own passing than the passing of people I love.
Grief is making me philosophical ! Sandra too I notice.
All shall be well,
and all shall be well
and all manner of things shall be well.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Reflections,sunshine,eye hospital,and more new things.
Hi Blog,
went to see the five trees and talk to dad yesterday. The park looks wonderful filled with life.I saw two Canada geese with three babies, a heron, two water hen babies, and of course MY swans and the two very large cygnets. I took lots of pictures and had a coffee by the lake.It was very relaxing.
It is another beautiful day in Liverpool.I have an appointment at the eye hospital today,looking forward to that being over.
We ordered a new desk yesterday on Amazon,it is meant to be arriving today because we have Prime (thanks to Andrew) but today I got an email to say it has just been dispatched ,so who knows.
I am feeling anxious but I am not sure why! Might be hospital visit, might be I miss dad.
.Had fearful thoughts yesterday. Finding it hard to let go, if I have good happy days I then feel guilty, I don't want to "be over dad" and I am not,but if I feel I am at certain moments. I don't like it retrospectively.
Matt and Marie are home form America. Greg is going to France for some time with Phil.
I have things to sort out about M&C but can't seem to find the energy to contact everyone. Young Matthew is definitely saying he will be there. M&M still not booked flights.I had a meeting with (big) Phil on the boat and we agreed on some tasks we can all do. I have to get in touch and ask/let people know what they need to do before and what they can do at Castlenel.. It always extra work for me and right now I can't be bothered. We have had so much this last two years to cope with , along with the sad things,we have had John's 80th, Christmas , Glasgow in January,holidays birthdays, a good few this year.
I think we will slip away for our 25th. I cannot face with all the organising. The Lightbody kids are all in different places now with all their children.I think the days are past when we can all get together.
We have done well. We have to see each other in small groups nowadays, and it seems that we have to be the travellers,and really this is getting less possible for John.
I think this is normal, I am able to see more of my siblings now,as most of the children are grown up and some of us turn back to our family or origin at that time . It is lovely if it works out like that. But when the families were young, you are in a different world.A world where you need friends, often, rather than family,with the same circumstances.
That was the time I got very close to Susan and Louise.
Susan and I have remained close ever since.Thank god.
My work has gone quiet and that is ok, it often does in summer. Maybe next year we will just head off to Castlenel for the summer.
John and I had breakfast in the garden this morning,it was sunny and peaceful.
John is in less pain,he is away at the physio now.It is not easy watching a man of John's age in such pain. Maybe this has made me anxious.
Must away and order a taxi to take me to the ey hospital !
went to see the five trees and talk to dad yesterday. The park looks wonderful filled with life.I saw two Canada geese with three babies, a heron, two water hen babies, and of course MY swans and the two very large cygnets. I took lots of pictures and had a coffee by the lake.It was very relaxing.
It is another beautiful day in Liverpool.I have an appointment at the eye hospital today,looking forward to that being over.
We ordered a new desk yesterday on Amazon,it is meant to be arriving today because we have Prime (thanks to Andrew) but today I got an email to say it has just been dispatched ,so who knows.
I am feeling anxious but I am not sure why! Might be hospital visit, might be I miss dad.
.Had fearful thoughts yesterday. Finding it hard to let go, if I have good happy days I then feel guilty, I don't want to "be over dad" and I am not,but if I feel I am at certain moments. I don't like it retrospectively.
Matt and Marie are home form America. Greg is going to France for some time with Phil.
I have things to sort out about M&C but can't seem to find the energy to contact everyone. Young Matthew is definitely saying he will be there. M&M still not booked flights.I had a meeting with (big) Phil on the boat and we agreed on some tasks we can all do. I have to get in touch and ask/let people know what they need to do before and what they can do at Castlenel.. It always extra work for me and right now I can't be bothered. We have had so much this last two years to cope with , along with the sad things,we have had John's 80th, Christmas , Glasgow in January,holidays birthdays, a good few this year.
I think we will slip away for our 25th. I cannot face with all the organising. The Lightbody kids are all in different places now with all their children.I think the days are past when we can all get together.
We have done well. We have to see each other in small groups nowadays, and it seems that we have to be the travellers,and really this is getting less possible for John.
I think this is normal, I am able to see more of my siblings now,as most of the children are grown up and some of us turn back to our family or origin at that time . It is lovely if it works out like that. But when the families were young, you are in a different world.A world where you need friends, often, rather than family,with the same circumstances.
That was the time I got very close to Susan and Louise.
Susan and I have remained close ever since.Thank god.
My work has gone quiet and that is ok, it often does in summer. Maybe next year we will just head off to Castlenel for the summer.
John and I had breakfast in the garden this morning,it was sunny and peaceful.
John is in less pain,he is away at the physio now.It is not easy watching a man of John's age in such pain. Maybe this has made me anxious.
Must away and order a taxi to take me to the ey hospital !
Monday, 9 July 2012
Panasonic 32 " TV
Hello Blog
we bought a new TV today. It will be delivered on Saturday.
32" flat screen.
John Lewis will deliver it, fit it, tune it,put together the new unit and take away the old set and unit.One more thing to thank my dad for.
We had a lovely time in Folkestone and London. I felt rested and loved being by the sea.
All lovely treats that we can enjoy from my inheritance.
I am doing well, feel much less pain in my heart. Mornings I feel quite normal now ,after many months of a heavy heart and tears.
Anita's sister in law died suddenly yesterday.It is so sad. Hearing this news, opens up my own sadness I notice.
So we had breakfast at Tate this morning, coffee in John Lewis ,I bought some clothes and we bought a new TV. Retail therapy does help :-)
Glasgow for me this weekend, travel on Friday and home on Monday. Sandra and I are going to Inveraray on Saturday to have a nice day out, but also to see the van, visit the place we scattered dad's ashes, and have lots of nice food on our travels.
Sunday we will go to Lambhill and visit mum's grave and have a look at the Book of Remembrance
Saw both my boys this weekend,always a pleasure. We watched Wimbledon Men's final with A&L , it was nerve racking and emotional, also a good match.
Dad I think about you every day, happily, mostly ,I smile to myself, obviously I have the odd moment when I have a pang but every day in every way.............
Love you pa x
we bought a new TV today. It will be delivered on Saturday.
32" flat screen.
John Lewis will deliver it, fit it, tune it,put together the new unit and take away the old set and unit.One more thing to thank my dad for.
We had a lovely time in Folkestone and London. I felt rested and loved being by the sea.
All lovely treats that we can enjoy from my inheritance.
I am doing well, feel much less pain in my heart. Mornings I feel quite normal now ,after many months of a heavy heart and tears.
Anita's sister in law died suddenly yesterday.It is so sad. Hearing this news, opens up my own sadness I notice.
So we had breakfast at Tate this morning, coffee in John Lewis ,I bought some clothes and we bought a new TV. Retail therapy does help :-)
Glasgow for me this weekend, travel on Friday and home on Monday. Sandra and I are going to Inveraray on Saturday to have a nice day out, but also to see the van, visit the place we scattered dad's ashes, and have lots of nice food on our travels.
Sunday we will go to Lambhill and visit mum's grave and have a look at the Book of Remembrance
Saw both my boys this weekend,always a pleasure. We watched Wimbledon Men's final with A&L , it was nerve racking and emotional, also a good match.
Dad I think about you every day, happily, mostly ,I smile to myself, obviously I have the odd moment when I have a pang but every day in every way.............
Love you pa x
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