Farewell to Kintillo

My heart is sore (" sair" as grand-da would say) I can hardly bear the sadness I feel. I left dad's house for the last time on Saturday March 3rd 2012. 45 years and two months after we moved in. And almost exactly 2 years since mum fell down the stairs and the decline started.
I travelled to Glasgow on Friday 2nd. Jackie met me at Glasgow Central,we went to pick up some wine for S&H then she drove us to Bill and Irene's house. Irene made us tea then Bill came in. We chatted for a while then we all went into the garden and we saw the fence Bill had put up ( for dad) it looks great the new people are very fortunate,he has even put a gate in the fence like the one on the fence at his side of the garden,so that the window cleaner does not have to jump over it.
Then he discreetly opened the back door and left us to it.I started to cry as soon I went into the hall.It is so empty, no coats no hall table no pictures. In the lounge Dad's chair is gone.Jackie and I hold on to each other and cry.We walk round the house we both have a sense of loss and emptiness.
That done we got our heads together and tried to see just what had to be done the following morning. Jackie then took me to Sandra's where Harry opened the door to us. He went off to the pub,and we had a cuppa and some much needed chocolate with Sandra.
Later David arrived had a shower and then we all joined Harry in the Three Craws. As we were having our first glass of wine Julie and Raph arrived.We had nice pub food more wine. I loved just watching and listening the the children all catching up with each other.They seem very close and loving with each other, using humour to show it of course nothing schmalchy.When we got back Scott came in and we had more hugs and more merry banter. Sandra and I left them to it and we went off to bed early. I loved my bedroom at the top of the house.
My alarm went off at 6.45 but I had not slept much,neither had Sandra.We had a cuppa and waited for Jackie who collected us at 8.00 AM. I jumped out at the paper shop and go got rolls and eggs . Matthew and young Matthew were already there with the van. More hugs and kisses and a few jokes from Matthew then we all got stuck in .Bringing the beds downstairs and all the black bags filled with bedding ,all going to the dump.Then the shed and green house were cleared out, by S&M. Jackie and I tackled the kitchen cupboards. Such a terrible thing dividing M&D's things into piles for the dump and things for the charity shop.
Young Matthew left for work ,he did very well to be there so early on a Saturday morning.
I made tea and we had our last cuppa in the garden.Matthew took the first lot to the dump,when he came back we had a last push to fill the van then I made the fried egg rolls,everyone agreed they were the best ever. I think it was just the moment.We chatted about dad's regular fry-ups on Saturday lunch times when he came in from work with all the makings.
Matthew had a last check under the stairs and lifted a hatch we had not noticed,and shock horror it was full of junk- more stacking of the van.Then Sandra and Matthew took the last stuff to the dump and Jackie and I took all the glasses crockery and brick a brack to the charity shop.
I simply could not put Dad's "Gorgeous Grandad mug on the sack,just cried all the time. I finally called Sandra and she did it,we quickly tied up the bag and it was taken away.Different things touched each one of us,so we all helped each other out when we saw the other struggling.That mug did it to me every time. I always gave him his cup of coffee in it,and since he died I had my tea out of it. I did not want to prolong the agony by bringing it home.
David and Harry called in on the way to the airport, I was touched by David he came to say goodbye to his papa's home. He was close to dad.I could see he was feeling it. We left him to have his last walk round the house.
When we came back from dump and charity shop we had a last sweep up of house and garden,and a final walk round the house,on the landing up stairs we had a long chat and shared memories,Jackie broke down at that point,thinking about her wedding with no parents supporting her,then Sandra started then me ,all the sisters crying and hugging.
Then through the sobs came Matthew's voice "it could be worse" we all burst our laughing and we laughed and laughed so hard. And it was so funny to see Matthew laughing back as us all ,basking in the joy of the moment that he got us laughing.I saw him again as a child,wearing his cowboy outfit and great hat, entertaining the family and loving it.
. So we moved on downstairs ,last look out of the stair window. Group hug in the hall , all agreeing we would not be here if it was not for " them" our parents,our mum and dad.
We hoped they could see us, and would be proud of us all. We locked the front door then Sandra suggested we get Irene to take a picture of us all,which she did.
They were around in the back ground all morning discreetly,offering tea, bin bags, anything thing we might need.
The four of us went to the Broomhill cafe that the family often uses. We all chatted about normal things for a while and wondered when the caravan would be sold.
Matthew and Sandra will review the situation at the end of April if the van is not sold, and decide whether to share out the money we already have at the point . I think the caravan will go soon it is the right time of year.
More hugs in the car park.Then Sandra Jackie and I went back to Sandra's to have a wash get changed. Jackie was going into town to meet Rebekka and Steph and to buy wedding shoes.Sandra and I decided to go too,although we were totally shattered physically and emotionally
. Jackie showed us some wedding invitations she was trying to decide between which was nice.

We went to John Lewis,met the girls had more coffee, saw young Matthew again,and looked at shoes. I think they all found what they wanted and will order later on line,as the girls are having their shoes died.a whole new world!
We said farewell,and Sandra and I came home on the train.we had a cuppa then went to bed for a few hours. I dosed but did not sleep neither did Sandra.I came down at 7.00 in time for the wine being opened.Harry made a great Mushroom Risotto and we watched Masterchef and something else with Trevor Eve as a negotiator.
Then bed for Sandra and I ,where I slept for about 14 hours.Felt much better on Sunday morning. Sandra slept well too.Sandra brought me tea in bed.We had porriage and fruit, got dressed said goodbye to Harry and we went into town .Sandra was looking for a jacket,then we went to Central Hotel for tea and scones,then she saw me to the train,few more tears,hugs goodbyes. I headed back to Liverpool, changed at Wigan where I had to get a bus which took us on an impossible route,but it was ok I just gazed into space and tried to process the events of the weekend.
John was waiting for me, welcoming as ever with nice food and we watched Upstairs Downstairs.
Dad dad dad,love you miss you ,just want to give you one more hug, but it would not help because I would want one more.Have to get used to you not being here anymore,and the house and the caravan and everything! I hope I have your strength and courage pa X