Tis true!

A poem that reminded me or "us"


We two make banquets of the plainest fare
In every cup we find the thrill of pleasure...
For us life always moves with lilting measure
We two, we two, we make our world, our pleasure”

 Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 I wish I had written this! HC.

the day ended very well, quite philosophal.

I had a slow start to the day felt very tired and lethargic. My digestive systems are not good at all! I have been trying to ease myself of the tablets I use for IBS--to-day I thought why do I have to be a hero? I took the tablets and felt much better.There is learning there somewhere.

I had a long hot bath and washed my hair, and put some clothes on. I felt a lot better but still very tired.

I ate some porridge, all I feel like ,that and yogurt.

I had an email from Lucy to say she would take us to Oxton on Friday ,and I just cried. I am so grateful for the offer of help, some one reaching out and offering help. Made my day. Small acts of kindness make the world go  round.
I found a lovely love poem  ,when I was researching Harmony for tonight.

It made me think of John and I. I sent it to him, he was touched!
How easy it is to take those closest to us,those that mean the most to us ,for granted.We get wrapped up in all the wrong things some days.
Demands of life, families expectations of us, our expectations of ourselves,, work, home care, shopping, a million things to take us away from , ourselves, tuning in to our inner world, to listen to what we need, what is working in our lives, what is not working. what needs to be changed.

I am not going to listen to anymore news for a while, it distresses me. I would like to live quietly for a while, less Radio 4, my beloved Radio 4, sometimes it is a distraction though,as is television. Not always of course, sometimes it is a blessing. It is knowing the difference , when we are avoiding rather than embracing. To know at least that that is what we are doing.

I know John will be fine with this, he spends a lot of time doing quiet things, gets lost in his writing and his books.

I enjoyed the group tonight- John ,Marie and Claire were absent, so it was just four of us, and it was very peaceful. We focused on harmony tonight, a very rich subject to reflect on.

Over the weeks we have explored, gratitude, simplicity, order, and tonight harmony.

I have enjoyed it and my students have loved it too.

Next week we have beauty,and we finish on our last night with joy, which will be lovely  so close to Christmas.

The absense of all the above can be blocks to us experiencing ourselves, and expressing our creativity.


I feel much better at the end of the day.DV

All shall be well,
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well .

What a beautiful mysterious text to meditate on.

Peace starts with a smile.


 Love you pa, your are in my thoughts ,especially ,at this time of year ,families are more aware of each other, it is a time to celebrate families.
I found the last Christmas card you sent us, with your writing on it , it means so much, yet I took it  for granted when you were alive and with us. H x




.





+

Beautiful November day!

Quiet week para mi! and good things!

Well blog!


I have been too busy to keep up with you, but here I am now.

Our visit to Manchester was wonderful,Philip planed such a lovely day and evening  for us, we both enjoyed every minute!

David and Lara have been and gone, and that was a very successful visit too.Great to see them both and hear all their exciting news.



John is now in London, much recovered from the dentist visit. DV.

I have not been feeling too well, shattered really, since John got ill I have had more and more to do.

Not just physically, but all the responsibility for everything that goes on with us and around us  ,here and in Spain,all the finances, all the preparations for Christmas New year, dates with family and friends.Chores in the house.

Since we got dad's money we lost £300 pm  rent allowance, that is a big loss, and my work is slowing down,counselling is expensive, so people come less ,of course I see people, money or no money.I guess if I wanted to have lots of money I would not be a counsellor. :-).

Coping with this plus the worry over John , and I still grieve for my pa.

Christmas and new year are hard when you have lost your mum and dad, no gifts to buy for them no cards to send.Such a big hole in the middle of you.

I had a massage on Friday I felt sore all over, especially my lower back and my neck, she said I have terrible knots of tension the lower back is inflamed.
I like this woman , we have a plan to help me back to what ever passes for normal.

After the massage, I felt very tearful, maybe all the tension has been holding me together. Once John was away and I knew he was well looked after.I let it all go. I have been sleeping and crying most of the weekend.Watching sad girlie movies, and music moves me to tears, mostly because of memories, not that the music is necessarly sad.

The world news upsets me, what is wrong with the world? is it not so much easier to love people? be kind to each other? love and appreciate what you have, rather that miss the things and people you think you want.

Can't really tell people, John was always my confident , my best friend, now I don't want to burden him.

I don't like anyone worrying about me. I am the strong one, like pa.Oldest child syndrome.
I marvel at John's ability to receive , he is the youngest son of six, he is used to being looked after .I see it with my siblings too.

In fact if I withdraw, have plenty alone time, to spread out ,listen to my music as loud as  like ,sleep when I want to,eat when I want.to I find I recover in my own time.

Hoping to have a bit more energy so we can enjoy the festive plans.

I want to learn to ask for help, people do offer, but I always think they are so busy and I should do everything , so they can relax and enjoy themselves.

The Lightbody children and holding up their promise to have John regularly so I can rest- that is much appreciated.

Marie said they have a big house, and John can go there too, he can have his own room all the space he wants.  Me too. I felt touched by that. Marie is very tuned in to how it is for me. I appreciate this. Naturally folk worry about John ask  after him.

It was like this for pa, when mum was ill, people forgot how it was for him ,coping with her day in day out, with little restbite.

Twas ever thus.

Good things,

I love spotify sin adverts!

Discovered a new or forgotten  recording by Elvis " Never been to Spain"  love it ,play it endlessly.

also Yaya by Trini Lopez.

I remember in the 60's I think it was,Petula Clark recorded yaya twist, since I have been   a yaya, I tried to find it, but no sign on spotify,but I love the Trini Lopez version,I play that endlessly too.

95% Christmas shopping done!
 enjoying making cards!
 Love the park.
 Like my own company.
 Enjoyed Argo!
 Asda delivered to-day!
 Getting my appetite back.
Liverpool looks very festive.
Massage on Thursday.
Philip just ran for our sunday chat.

I have much to be grateful for.

Thank you Universe


All shall be well
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well.


Hi pa, I still can't delete your email address,or your address from amazon....am I totally crazy ?

love and miss you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

David and Lara's visit! 18/11/2012

good things to make me feel happy!

good things!

What's it all about Jokes,,brain scan, tooth implants, teeth out!

Hi blog,

I am just about to head off the the park for a long walk, I am tired, thank goodness that I do not have so much on this week. I have finished now till Monday evening.

I had a brain scan last week to help out the glaucoma study, I was a bit scared to be going for the scan. I was worried I might be fearful in the scanner, but it was not too bad. I was not closed in.

I did all the exercises from inside the scanner,it was a lot of concentrating ;I felt shattered after it,I also felt pleased to have made my contribution.

Hoping that they do not find any problems there.
I ask them if they found anything that could not be helped, not to tell me, but it is outside of their hands, all the results go to Walton Hospital and any problems are sent to my GP. I went ahead anyway, I hope it help folk in the future,

It is such a pain not having your full sight, I miss it; and it does affect my enjoyment of reading .

I am grateful that they found it when they did though, and  that it will not get worse because of the eye drops.


I will need a tooth implant soon, apart from costing an arm and a leg, I am sorry that I need to have this,
I have been taking care of this lower middle tooth and the gum area around it, since I was 13 years old. I guess 51 years is long enough,I have done well; because of the gum problem I now need a tooth implant it is my only option.

When I was a young woman I was always complimented on my beautiful red hair and lovely white teeth.I always worried that I would not always have them and hoped people would notice something more permanent about me.

Well I now have white hair and my teeth are much older now, and life has gone on being good, and I am appreciated for my other qualities.

I am happy to be appreciated  by clients students, family friends.

And getting older is still a challenge.

John had to have some teeth out today, maybe all in time, maybe not? the treatment for the spots of cancer on his bones will be treated by something that will affect his teeth so he has to make sure he will have not problems to deal with in the next year, it will be John's call, the dentist recommends all teeth out.:-(

John had two teeth out today. he looked so vulnerable when he came home, the shock of having teeth out is always tough but at 81 it is very hard to go through and recover from.

I felt today that John was really ill.It brings it home when I see all this happening to him.
I feel quite emotional about John being ill, being 81, time is getting shorter for him for us.

I am very very grateful that we had our Silver Wedding Celebrations. and that our family and friends have marked it too.
We do not know how many anniversaries together that we have left---of course no one does.

As Bette Davis said "old age is no place for sissies"


I gather strength for you my dear pa, you showed such courage as old age and infirmity took it's toll on you.

I came across a lovely picture of you the other day while looking for one of Matthew. It was heartbreaking to come across it unprepared, you looked to alive so real so there.

I am just deep down tired from all the challanges that life is giving us.

I took courage and cancelled our Christmas in Salford and new year in Cambridge.

I was worried people would be upset, but the opposite is true,Phil and the boys have been great, very supportive. Phil organised Christmas in Liverpool with in an hour of my email.

Penny and co too, although I know she is disappointed, but I need to think about us for now ,maybe for the rest of our time together, John's needs our needs will have to come first.. I have had such a supportive email form Lara that I almost cried. She understands our need to be here in our own space around Christmas and New Year.

I do not know her at all,not really, but she took me by surprise by her warmth and empathy,gave me her number to call any time I need to talk.How lovely that was; even if I never do.

I have been posting silly jokes, just one or two a day, it cheers me up and gives other people a laugh too.I need that outlet

.Anita is ill, her sister in law died a while back ,and she is grieving too.

I am really worried about her.

Anne and Henry were here on Monday what joy that was, but ,Henry has been so ill and looks quite failed. Anne has him to care for and worry about,him  and at 74 she still has a very old and difficult mother to worry about too.


It is all part of life's rich pattern, we are in the age group now, when we and our friends are ageing and we are and getting frailer, more vulnerable.



I am much younger than John Anne Henry Anita of course, but I still feel the difference, less energy  is the most annoying thing,I think I can do more than I actually can.

You always know this time will come but nothing can prepare you for the reality of it.

So I share jokes, I look for things ,events, people to be grateful for, I try to keep life simple.

I am doing OK. I am more reflective these days,  I had such plans after dad died, things we would do once I recovered from his loss, but it was not meant to be,now we take a day at a time and monitor John's condition

So my pa, my dear much missed pa,that's the story from Balimory :-)

Don't worry, pa,I am ok, lots of good things going on, Matt and Marie are coming in the new year, Gary and Wendy are talking about it too.
We still have celebrations going on , we are having  day out with Philip on Friday ( John willing) and David and Lara are coming on Sunday.

People want to join in the 25th celebrations and that is wonderful!

I have planned a Christmas Party, two actually ,one for students and one for friends.

We have a nice Christmas concert coming up too.

I feel more like it now,as we know we are here in Liverpool for the whole festive season.


All shall be well
and all shall be well,
and all manner of things shall be well.
Amen.

Peace to the north
Peace to the south
Peace to the east
Peace to the west
Peace be without, peace be within.
Peace peace peace.
And so it is,

Silver Wedding photos!

Silver Wedding ,Matthew Paris,President Obama, what next?

We had a wonderful week off work last week, to celebrate our Silver Wedding.

It is strangely  satisfying to have achieved 25 years of marriage,not sure why,it is only numbers ,but it is.

We spent a lot of time doing things together which was really good! We saw friends and family too, went to galleries, cinema ,pubs and restaurants.

Our apartment was like a flower shop, and we had lots of great cards and gifts.

I was a bit overwhelmed by all the attention.I am not really used to being the centre of attention for so long ,a whole week, it was made easier by the fact that it was about the two of us.

The Artist's way started on Monday evening,; it was a lovely evening a lovely group, and most people paid the full amount-a bonus.

I like Autumn time, courses starting up, clients coming back , and I am really enjoying supervising my counsellors.

I heard Matthew Paris on radio the other morning talking about the loss of his father. I was touched by his honesty. He challenged the notion that we "get over the loss of our loved ones" that in time we stop missing them. His father died 12 years ago and he still misses him greatly, and why should we get over.recover.A big gap has been left in our lives which will always be there. I like his challenge I agree with him.

At the same time I came across a quote by Thornton Wilder

" The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude"

 I can relate to that wholeheartedly.I have such a sense of gratitude to  my grandparents, aunts ,uncles, cousins, friends who are no longer with us, they all made a huge contribution to who I am.

As a  counsellor I hear what some families can be like, and it is not always easy to listen to what happened to people.

It gives me a real sense of gratitude for my family; of course they were not perfect; thank goodness for their flaws and my own.

They were a good, kind ,loving family and we grew up without any abuse cruelty hatred.

Grateful thank to each and every one of them.

This morning we wakened up to hear that President Obama is still in The White House.

When he was elected four years ago, I still had a mum and dad,, an  uncle Tommy Auntie Cathie, Uncle Duncan and Uncle Matt, and Gavin was still with us.

I wonder what the next four years will bring to me, my family my friends and the world!

"Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy,they are the charming garneners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust"


Good luck to President Obama !

Dad I am grateful for you most of all! thank you X