Missed you on Father's day pa.
I thought about you and talked about you,and it was a bit hard but not as bad as it has been.
I heard from Sandra that there has been some interest in the "van" oh dear! Sandra and I have been planning a visit in July when I go up for a visit with her. Nothing concrete ,just some one that Jock thinks might come back this week for a wee "looksee" as you would say pa. I find I am using more of your saying pa,in fact I think we all are. You will never really be gone from our hearts.
I am not sure what is next for me, we are thinking of moving to a bigger place and using Ullet road for work.
I am thinking of renting an office and make Ullet more like home.
I thought of renting a really big place maybe with A&L just for six months, they could rent out PPM and take time to find the place they would like to live , take it slowly instead of having to rush.
I thought of moving to Manchester too as Philip and I once talked about renting something big together.
I even thought about moving back to Glasgow.
It is an unsettling time in some ways,still not found my new path.since you, mum and Kintillo have gone. You were such a big part of my life, my years my months my weeks, my days.
Would like to spend more time in Castlenel.conversely would like to spend more time advertising and renting it out.
Would love to get the money for all the projects from renting and for it to be finished, then just enjoy spending more time there over there in summer.
I know this is no time to make big decisions, just keep breathing in and breathing out, take it slow, and see where I am on October 5th.
Mum's 2nd anniversary coming up on July 27th ,that was an awful time pa, especially for you,my heart ached for you.
Andrew created some spreadsheets for me yesterday,really fab things. I am amazed at what we have spent already. I will enjoying keeping my eye on the accounts and will continue to give them Paddington Stares.
Your money has made a huge difference to us yet I cannot really take it all in yet.
Thanks a million! x
Monday, 18 June 2012
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Cheque cleared, debts all paid, wedding all over--what's next.
Yesterday I went into my bank account to see a large amount of money sitting there quite innocently!
I have been waiting for this to happen for a good while ,now that it has happened, it feels quite normal.
Connie Corry at the bank has been a star.She could not be more helpful and has kept in touch every step of the way,she knows I was nervous about it all.
She even emailed me late on Friday saying that she had news the cheque was cleared and would be in my account Tuesday /Wednesday and said " enjoy the wedding" I love the Irish, we have accounts in Spain England too . In no other bank do we phone up to hear, "hello Helen how are you, and how is John"
So we can draw a line under that part of our lives for now. When we come home from Folkestone and London,I will have had time to digest Connie's suggestions about what to do with the money,she has given us a lot of suggestions and we need time to digest them all.
Jackie's wedding was wonderful,there was so much happiness and joy, I would say everyone there enjoyed being there and the two families got on very well too. There was a coming together on the Friday evening, A&L had a lot of hick ups getting to Glasgow but they arrived safely in the end DV and Philip arrived safely too.we enjoyed sharing the evening with Jackie and Geoff , and we shared a family meal,not very good food , ( all weekend) but it did not spoil any of the enjoyment. Wedding food is seldom up to much.
I had a great Saturday morning ,getting behind the scenes and sharing in the bride and bridesmaids getting there hair done and make up on,It was fun and a privilege to be allowed to share and take photo's
I felt very proud of my little family,we all looked the part. In fact the whole Collins clan and shoots. looked fabulous, if I say so myself.
The wedding was in Park Circus which is a stunning venue, sadly run by very insensitive people. I caused a bit of a laugh in the car afterwards by saying we were treated with more respect and care at the Crematorium. I meant it though ,there is much more thought put into arrivals and departures at funerals.
"DAD " "Sandra and I made a speech on your behalf, we had rehearsed it on skype and we were so worried we would be in tears, but you would have been proud of us,we kept it light and focused on Jackie and many people came to us afterwards and said how well we had done. I was specially happy about Matthew's feedback. Matthew and Gary gave reading at the registry office and they both did very well.
Andrew got a great picture of Sandra and I with thumbs up saying "good on ye hen" just as you would have done.
Mum would have loved all the glamour , all the clothes and the dancing and you both would have been so happy to have all five of us ,plus partners ,and ALL eleven grandchildren around you.
Auntie Isa says you were both there pa, I hope you were.
There was a magical moment at the end of the evening. where Jackie and Geoff were in the centre of the circle of family and friends and we all sang Loch Lomond. Then Sam danced into the circle then Rebekka then Steph Calum and Liam,they all danced round Jackie and Geoff,then there was a family hug.Jackie and Geoff's new family. Like the Lightman's they all get along very well. It felt like a moment when Jackie had found herself,she has always wanted to be married. That was the moment that I really cried. because it was a new beginning,because it was beautiful, and because you were not there to see it. I know Jackie was the one you and mum worried about the most.
We are five separate families now pa, you and mum are gone, Kintillo Drive has gone.
We are all proud of our children as you were proud of us, we are all close family units.
And the five of us all have very strong bonds, with roots going down very deep into yours and mums family histories.
We may not see quite so much of each other in the future,but we will always be there for each other ,always love each other ,with that special love that you can only share with folk who have the same parents and a shared family history.Thank you for all my siblings pa and ma.
I know I will always take an interest in all the grandchildren, I love having all the nieces and nephews, a new generating watch growing and developing. To share in the joys and sorrows.
We are a lucky family pa, we have had our sorrow and pain of course, but if you could have seen the love and laughter on June 9th you would rest easy.
Rest easy Ma and Pa, you done well ! good on ye both.
I have been waiting for this to happen for a good while ,now that it has happened, it feels quite normal.
Connie Corry at the bank has been a star.She could not be more helpful and has kept in touch every step of the way,she knows I was nervous about it all.
She even emailed me late on Friday saying that she had news the cheque was cleared and would be in my account Tuesday /Wednesday and said " enjoy the wedding" I love the Irish, we have accounts in Spain England too . In no other bank do we phone up to hear, "hello Helen how are you, and how is John"
So we can draw a line under that part of our lives for now. When we come home from Folkestone and London,I will have had time to digest Connie's suggestions about what to do with the money,she has given us a lot of suggestions and we need time to digest them all.
Jackie's wedding was wonderful,there was so much happiness and joy, I would say everyone there enjoyed being there and the two families got on very well too. There was a coming together on the Friday evening, A&L had a lot of hick ups getting to Glasgow but they arrived safely in the end DV and Philip arrived safely too.we enjoyed sharing the evening with Jackie and Geoff , and we shared a family meal,not very good food , ( all weekend) but it did not spoil any of the enjoyment. Wedding food is seldom up to much.
I had a great Saturday morning ,getting behind the scenes and sharing in the bride and bridesmaids getting there hair done and make up on,It was fun and a privilege to be allowed to share and take photo's
I felt very proud of my little family,we all looked the part. In fact the whole Collins clan and shoots. looked fabulous, if I say so myself.
The wedding was in Park Circus which is a stunning venue, sadly run by very insensitive people. I caused a bit of a laugh in the car afterwards by saying we were treated with more respect and care at the Crematorium. I meant it though ,there is much more thought put into arrivals and departures at funerals.
"DAD " "Sandra and I made a speech on your behalf, we had rehearsed it on skype and we were so worried we would be in tears, but you would have been proud of us,we kept it light and focused on Jackie and many people came to us afterwards and said how well we had done. I was specially happy about Matthew's feedback. Matthew and Gary gave reading at the registry office and they both did very well.
Andrew got a great picture of Sandra and I with thumbs up saying "good on ye hen" just as you would have done.
Mum would have loved all the glamour , all the clothes and the dancing and you both would have been so happy to have all five of us ,plus partners ,and ALL eleven grandchildren around you.
Auntie Isa says you were both there pa, I hope you were.
There was a magical moment at the end of the evening. where Jackie and Geoff were in the centre of the circle of family and friends and we all sang Loch Lomond. Then Sam danced into the circle then Rebekka then Steph Calum and Liam,they all danced round Jackie and Geoff,then there was a family hug.Jackie and Geoff's new family. Like the Lightman's they all get along very well. It felt like a moment when Jackie had found herself,she has always wanted to be married. That was the moment that I really cried. because it was a new beginning,because it was beautiful, and because you were not there to see it. I know Jackie was the one you and mum worried about the most.
We are five separate families now pa, you and mum are gone, Kintillo Drive has gone.
We are all proud of our children as you were proud of us, we are all close family units.
And the five of us all have very strong bonds, with roots going down very deep into yours and mums family histories.
We may not see quite so much of each other in the future,but we will always be there for each other ,always love each other ,with that special love that you can only share with folk who have the same parents and a shared family history.Thank you for all my siblings pa and ma.
I know I will always take an interest in all the grandchildren, I love having all the nieces and nephews, a new generating watch growing and developing. To share in the joys and sorrows.
We are a lucky family pa, we have had our sorrow and pain of course, but if you could have seen the love and laughter on June 9th you would rest easy.
Rest easy Ma and Pa, you done well ! good on ye both.
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Anniverary, Jubilee, Wedding.
It was the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dear friend of 45 years .Gavin.
I was in touch with Susan , Libby and young Gavin.They were all feeling the loss that day ,May 29th.
Gavin said he still expects Gavin to walk into his house , expects to hear that familiar voice.
Libby still can't take it in. Susan is getting on with her life and has a wonderful holiday booked, but on the day. it was hard, the anniversary bring you back to the painful place.
I don't think I really believe Gavin is gone. It is so hard if you were not there.I did not see him when he was ill and dying.I was not at his funeral.I think it will hit me next time I go to Sydney.
The three of us were a great team ,we had great holiday's together over the years.Gavin made us laugh he was immensely patient. he had the " Gavin bag" in which he carried all mine and Susan's "things." Passports sunglasses cameras. he never complained just did it willingly. He used to refer to Susan as the S factor, said he could have everything planned and organised,but then there was the S factor to consider., He was worried the first time the three of us went on holiday together , because there was now the H factor too. Gavin you were kind generous patient and funny. I found a lovely picture of you and my dad; with Libby, as a child.It was taken in OZ and you all look amazing. Will we all meet again,if so where, how? it would be wonderful to be able to believe this.
It is the Queen's Diamond Jubilee this year and the public celebration weekend is this weekend.
I am Scottish and I think we Scots don't have the same connection to royalty as the English folk do.
I am a republican ,but I am not hostile to the royals as many people seem to be. Here in England the people seem to be divided between staunch almost fanatical support, and very hostile anti royal feeling.
I have been reflecting that in Ireland ( south) the Tricolour seemed to bring people together , it was a flag folk could get behind and made them feel proud.
In Spain too the Spanish flag seemed to be a symbol that unified folk.
Britain is so fragmented,the Union Jack has been hijacked by some pretty right wing people and they have made English people feel uneasy with it,they tried to use St George's Flag but sadly some hooligans brought that flag into disrepute.
I think in London there is a good feeling for the flag and the Queen but is by no means nationwide.
I feel sad that we in Britain do not have a leader or a symbol that makes us feel proud and united ,and can override on special occasions in history, the differences in all of us.Something or someone who can help us celebrate the differences and still feel connected.
Apart from shops and the high street ,I see no evidence of the Jubilee here in Liverpool.
Our family always felt a kind of very very loose,connection the the Royals, as I was born same year as Prince Charles, Sandra same as princess Princess Ann, Matthew about the same time as Prince Andrew, and Jackie same time as Prince Edward. The Queen stopped there, mum went on to have one more.Gary.
I feel a strange new warmth to the Queen and Prince Philip,since my own parents died, they are still around and in some way with all the changes in my own life, I feel reassured that those two are still there.
I don't want to even have to explain this ,it just, is, for now.
In fact blog, you are the only one I can tell ,as the subject seems to set people off,everyone has their own agenda about them ,and I do not want to have an agenda or be in either camp.
Between us, I loved the Flotilla ,I was moved by the water pageant,I love seeing folk coming together and rejoicing. Whatever it is that brings them together, and the Gloriana and the Belfry were a sight to behold.
This morning I listened to the service of thanksgiving from St Paul's. the music the choir and fanfares and even the sermon were wonderful everything on a grand scale.
There has been a sense gemeinschafgefuel Adler would like it.
I felt sad for the Queen as her husband was not with her,he is in hospital.
Reminded me of how lost dad was when mum was in hospital and in the care home.
Old age comes to us all. It can be frightening and lonely, no matter who we are and how much money we have or have not.
This weekend we are going to Jackie and Geoff's weddding in Glasgow. My family are all travelling on Friday and we are all staying at the Pond Hotel the venue of the wedding reception.
I hope this will give us new and happy memories of us all being together in Glasgow.
There will be a sadness that Ma and Pa are not there of course.
We will do all we can to be there and be supportive to Jackie.
"Dad" I know you were sad when Jackie told you she was getting married,you knew that you would not make it till June.
Bill told us later how upset you were,but as always dad you never let it show.
I said to Auntie Isa ,that I was sad that you and mum would not be there, especailly as mum loved a wedding ,all the glam all the dancing all the family around.
She said you would both be there:-) well pa I hope you are. I will be watching out for signs of you guys.
Love you dad, still don't really believe that I will NEVER see you again.
Sandra and I are going to Lambhill cemetry next Sunday to see yours and mum's names in The Book of Rememberance; and to visit mum's grave; and as there is a wee bit of you there we feel we are coming to see you both; and to tell you about the wedding, and to freshen up the flowers.
The following week is Father's Day :-( first one without you pa.This will be our Father's day visit.
I will go to the five tree's in Sefton Park on the day!
I was in touch with Susan , Libby and young Gavin.They were all feeling the loss that day ,May 29th.
Gavin said he still expects Gavin to walk into his house , expects to hear that familiar voice.
Libby still can't take it in. Susan is getting on with her life and has a wonderful holiday booked, but on the day. it was hard, the anniversary bring you back to the painful place.
I don't think I really believe Gavin is gone. It is so hard if you were not there.I did not see him when he was ill and dying.I was not at his funeral.I think it will hit me next time I go to Sydney.
The three of us were a great team ,we had great holiday's together over the years.Gavin made us laugh he was immensely patient. he had the " Gavin bag" in which he carried all mine and Susan's "things." Passports sunglasses cameras. he never complained just did it willingly. He used to refer to Susan as the S factor, said he could have everything planned and organised,but then there was the S factor to consider., He was worried the first time the three of us went on holiday together , because there was now the H factor too. Gavin you were kind generous patient and funny. I found a lovely picture of you and my dad; with Libby, as a child.It was taken in OZ and you all look amazing. Will we all meet again,if so where, how? it would be wonderful to be able to believe this.
It is the Queen's Diamond Jubilee this year and the public celebration weekend is this weekend.
I am Scottish and I think we Scots don't have the same connection to royalty as the English folk do.
I am a republican ,but I am not hostile to the royals as many people seem to be. Here in England the people seem to be divided between staunch almost fanatical support, and very hostile anti royal feeling.
I have been reflecting that in Ireland ( south) the Tricolour seemed to bring people together , it was a flag folk could get behind and made them feel proud.
In Spain too the Spanish flag seemed to be a symbol that unified folk.
Britain is so fragmented,the Union Jack has been hijacked by some pretty right wing people and they have made English people feel uneasy with it,they tried to use St George's Flag but sadly some hooligans brought that flag into disrepute.
I think in London there is a good feeling for the flag and the Queen but is by no means nationwide.
I feel sad that we in Britain do not have a leader or a symbol that makes us feel proud and united ,and can override on special occasions in history, the differences in all of us.Something or someone who can help us celebrate the differences and still feel connected.
Apart from shops and the high street ,I see no evidence of the Jubilee here in Liverpool.
Our family always felt a kind of very very loose,connection the the Royals, as I was born same year as Prince Charles, Sandra same as princess Princess Ann, Matthew about the same time as Prince Andrew, and Jackie same time as Prince Edward. The Queen stopped there, mum went on to have one more.Gary.
I feel a strange new warmth to the Queen and Prince Philip,since my own parents died, they are still around and in some way with all the changes in my own life, I feel reassured that those two are still there.
I don't want to even have to explain this ,it just, is, for now.
In fact blog, you are the only one I can tell ,as the subject seems to set people off,everyone has their own agenda about them ,and I do not want to have an agenda or be in either camp.
Between us, I loved the Flotilla ,I was moved by the water pageant,I love seeing folk coming together and rejoicing. Whatever it is that brings them together, and the Gloriana and the Belfry were a sight to behold.
This morning I listened to the service of thanksgiving from St Paul's. the music the choir and fanfares and even the sermon were wonderful everything on a grand scale.
There has been a sense gemeinschafgefuel Adler would like it.
I felt sad for the Queen as her husband was not with her,he is in hospital.
Reminded me of how lost dad was when mum was in hospital and in the care home.
Old age comes to us all. It can be frightening and lonely, no matter who we are and how much money we have or have not.
This weekend we are going to Jackie and Geoff's weddding in Glasgow. My family are all travelling on Friday and we are all staying at the Pond Hotel the venue of the wedding reception.
I hope this will give us new and happy memories of us all being together in Glasgow.
There will be a sadness that Ma and Pa are not there of course.
We will do all we can to be there and be supportive to Jackie.
"Dad" I know you were sad when Jackie told you she was getting married,you knew that you would not make it till June.
Bill told us later how upset you were,but as always dad you never let it show.
I said to Auntie Isa ,that I was sad that you and mum would not be there, especailly as mum loved a wedding ,all the glam all the dancing all the family around.
She said you would both be there:-) well pa I hope you are. I will be watching out for signs of you guys.
Love you dad, still don't really believe that I will NEVER see you again.
Sandra and I are going to Lambhill cemetry next Sunday to see yours and mum's names in The Book of Rememberance; and to visit mum's grave; and as there is a wee bit of you there we feel we are coming to see you both; and to tell you about the wedding, and to freshen up the flowers.
The following week is Father's Day :-( first one without you pa.This will be our Father's day visit.
I will go to the five tree's in Sefton Park on the day!
Saturday, 2 June 2012
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